I'm not really a "sunshine & rainbows girl" so my love for Dexter isn't the "undying love" kind...but yet it is. When you were first born, I asked the hospital staff to put you on my stomach for the skin-to-skin contact. I never thought I would ask for that as newborns are pretty yucky, but my experience being pregnant with you wanted me to do that just in case it helped us. I didn't feel an instant bond nor did I reconize as I thought I might...but you quickly snuck into my heard before I even left the hospital. Daddy cried when you were first born but I didn't cry until we left the hospital. Climbing into the backseat of the van, beside your carseat was a pivitol moment for me. It marked how Tyler & my lives would never be the same, how our family had changed and now our family unit included you.
The first day I spent with you (still in the hospital), I couldn't stop kissing you and well, everyday now at four months old I still smother you in kisses. At first you would scrunch your face up and squawk when we did it but you soon were use to it. Now that you fully comprehend how to laugh & giggle, you've even started giggling as I kiss the sides of your neck...obviously a ticklish spot!
On the few moments I have started to lose my patience with you, I've quickly reminded myself that you are just a little baby, not yet in control of your emotions and actions and I melt as I remember I am blessed to have you as my baby. You don't deserve my anger, annoyance or anything negative so I try to only give you my very best...smiles, giggles and happiness.
In fact, today I had a bowl of leftover cereal milk in front of me at the computer and you on my lap. Experiementing with your new motor skills you had reached out and grabbed the bowl, spilling the FREEZING cold milk onto my lap & yours. My first instinct was to exclaim "Dexter Reid" in a typical mom voice and you instantly started crying. I immediately felt bad, remembering you hadn't done it on purpose and I changed my tone. I started talking in a light, airy voice as I cleaned myself & you up and explained that we have no need to "cry over spilt milk".
A co-worker of mine, a few jobs ago, told me that she gained most of her patience through having children and now I know what she meant. I feel I have grown so much as a person since I've had you and that I am continuing to grow. You are teaching me so much more than I am teaching you.
My perspective on life & material things is starting to change slowly for the better. I still have a long journey to go, but I am so happy you have joined me & Daddy for it.
No comments:
Post a Comment